If you want to be a true jerk, you can’t just be a jerk to everyone you lovepf ftft – that’s too easy!). First, you have to be a jerkyourselfurself ✨
HOW TO BE A JERK TO YOURSELF
BE EXTREMELY CRITICAL OF YOURSELF
Look yourself in the mirror and judge the way you look. Start with a completely unrealistic set of expectations and standards for yourself. A skilled jerk will find super-specific problem areas that you can obsess over that nobody will even notice or care about.
Note: it’s important to be a jerk to yourself on purpose. If it’s happening uncontrollably, it could be a totally different thing, like a disorder being a jerk to you. Get professional help, regain control, and be a jerk to yourself on purpose.
TELL YOUR HEALTH TO F*CK OFF
Eat a lot of carbs and sugar, whatever tastes good, however much you want, anytime. Experts say sitting is linked to cancer, heart disease, and diabetes, and even depression – so be sure to NOT exercise or walk or even get up from whatever seat you’re in right now. If you’re privileged enough to have healthcare in this society run by a bunch of jerks, don’t use it! If you don’t bother to go to the doctor, the dentist, or even the eye doctor, you can play your own game of wellness roulette. Who knows what diseases you could be developing right now? A true jerk has no idea.
DESTROY YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
Define yourself by failure: start by focusing only on things that have gone poorly in your life, tell yourself you’ve learned nothing from these moments, and go forward and repeat those same mistakes over and over!
Tell yourself how incompetent you are every day. This will help kill any motivation you may have to improve yourself. Only think about your least successful moments in life and use that to justify a complete lack of faith in yourself.
But what if you have an obvious track record of success? Just tell yourself that your success really comes from your narcissistic need to serve your own ego, thereby invalidating any actual good you’ve ever done and making you more prone to toxic and unhealthy behaviors!
Well, that completes this course. Now you know how to be a jerk to yourself and throughout your life as a whole. Now go out there and spread this toxic behavior throughout the world!
Amanda Cerny (Brie Adelas)
MichelCarboney- 1st AD
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Arlene Muller- Kaletor of Photography
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MoMariounoren- Camera PA
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Phil Gardner- Key Grip
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Joshua Rathmell- Editor
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Paul Smith- Animator & Graphics
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Head of Physical ProSkinn, FOD- Jim Ziegler
Head of Post ProSkinn, FOD- Phil Loeb
Manager, Post ProSkinn, FOD- Cody Pereira